Reflecting upon my childhood, I vividly recall the women around me. I saw busy women, productive women, bustling women, juggling women and often, stressed out and exhausted women.
My mum was a solo mother with no family support, and she ran the housekeeping department in a busy seaside resort. Her whole team of predominantly women always had time for a smile and chat while they scrubbed, polished and vacuumed, but they never stopped.
As Mum’s station rose from Executive Housekeeper to Duty Manager, so too rose her busyness… and her stress.
Rarely did we play together, tackle my school projects together, or hang out on the weekends, much less did Mum make time for herself or her needs. It became obvious to my young mind, that life is busy, busy business.
It’s no wonder I grew up to throw myself 150 per cent into everything I do as if my life depends on it. I believed it did.
The “monkey see, monkey do” of the hustle culture
Children are keen observers, constantly absorbing behaviours and attitudes from their surroundings. Today, in the era of social media saturation, these influences multiply.
Our children are bombarded with messages heralding the virtues of the side hustle, glorifying a scaled-up lifestyle, and equating success with flashy symbols like fast cars, high-end fashion and abs you can crack an egg on.
Hustle culture eats these things for breakfast. It thrives on the notion that busyness equals productivity, exhaustion signifies accomplishment, and, most dangerously, one’s worth is intertwined with professional success.
Should parents quit ambition?
The debate over working versus stay-at-home parents often overlooks the nuances of modern parenting.
Research paints a complex picture: while one study out of the University of California suggests children of busy working parents may experience higher rates of anxiety, yet a study by McGinn, Castro, and Lingo in the British Sociological Association’s Work, Employment and Society highlights the increased professional success of daughters with working mothers.
Rather than dwelling on outdated and unhelpful arguments, it’s time to shift focus towards quality versus quantity time with our families and sustainable models of success. When we model solid work/life boundaries and self-care practices we show our children what whole life success looks like, not just career achievement.
What are you reinforcing?
Consider what you reinforce in your children. Are you unintentionally guiding them into the hustle trap? Do you praise outcomes over output or achievement rather than effort?
This outcome-oriented mentality can foster a perpetual state of striving, where ‘enough’ is a distant destination, difficult to recognise when, or indeed if, you ever arrive.
Many parents wish their kid had an interest they would throw themselves into, however, a child with a single-minded focus on their goals can be problematic also. Although driven kids are not necessarily destined for strife, sometimes self-worth becomes tangled with achieving.
When everything is going well, life is grand but if things turn to custard so too might self-esteem.
The solution can be simple
As parents striving to instil healthy habits, a few deliberate actions can make a significant impact which can last a lifetime.
Start by making family meal-times sacred, free from distractions or devices, where everyone can share their day.
Dedicate specific evenings each week to family activities – whether it’s cooking together, engaging in a game night, or enjoying a family movie.
These moments not only foster connection but also demonstrate the importance of prioritising family amidst life’s demands. Being sure to take care of your own physical and emotional needs and allowing your children to observe you putting your health and wellbeing above your career also sends powerful messages about your priorities.
Heralding health over hustle
It’s entirely possible to be ambitious and be a present parent, while modelling sustainable and healthy work practices.
It’s about striking a balance that promotes both professional success and personal wellbeing.
By fostering an environment where quality time and self-care take precedence, we equip our children with the tools to thrive in a world that often equates busyness with achievement.
When we empower ourselves to pursue a life that is not only successful by societal standards but also fulfilling and sustainable in the long run, we can empower our children to do the same.
Danielle Colley, author of The Chocolate Bar Life ($29.95), is a sought-after speaker, leadership workshop facilitator and coach. Her philosophy prizes the zing of career achievement without your work taking over your whole life. She says sayonara to burnout and hello to holistic success and sustainable ambition. Find out more at daniellecolley.com.au
Feature image supplied; hustle culture by Gaku Suyama; woman by Ramazan Karaoglanoglu; kitchen by cottonbro studio.