Year 5: the age of big emotions, intense loyalties, sudden fall-outs and dramatic lunchtime declarations. One week your kid’s best friend is “basically a sister,” the next they’ve been “ghosted for no reason.” Sound familiar?
No doubt about it, Year 5 is peak friendship drama.
It’s when friendships start getting sticky, real sticky. Kids become more socially aware, more emotionally invested, and, let’s be honest, just a tad more dramatic. Add to that the fact that some kids are basically 21 years old at this age and others are still secretly playing with dolls (I love those kids). So friendships that have worked for years are suddenly very problematic.
In a nutshell, Year 5 friendships are the biggest hormonal shitstorm of their young lives. (But just think what’s coming… eek.)
And us parents? We’re on the sidelines watching our kid’s confidence wobble depending on who sat next to them in class that day. Or trying to get our heads around how downright mean our kid’s best friend since preschool has suddenly become.
But we’re not powerless here. We can help. We should help. Because what our kid learns about friendships now will stay with them long after the pencil cases are packed away.
Here’s how to get through the Year 5 friendships saga with your sanity (mostly) intact.
1. Ride the friendship rollercoaster
One day besties, the next day enemies. Then besties again by recess. Welcome to the emotional rollercoaster of Year 5 friendship groups. It’s fast, it’s unpredictable, and it’s fuelled by hormones and who got invited to whose sleepover.
Let your child know it’s completely normal for friendships to shift and change. Encourage them to stay kind, stay calm and not base their self-worth on who includes them in a handball game. Learning that feelings don’t last forever is one of life’s most useful skills and this is the perfect opportunity to showcase that fact.
2. Introduce the power of “how would you feel?”
This is the golden age to develop empathy, or the thing that turns good friends into great ones. Help your child put themselves in someone else’s shoes by asking questions like, “Why do you think Mia said that?” or “How might Lachie have felt when that happened?”
Role-playing tricky situations can really help kids practise thoughtful responses. And research shows that kids with stronger empathy are better able to navigate complex social relationships.
3. Remind them yes, you can sit with us
By Year 5, friendship circles often become less flexible and more exclusive. If your child has fallen into a tight group, gently encourage them to reach out to others too. Try saying: “It’s great to have close friends, but it’s also good to be kind to everyone.”
Inclusivity isn’t just about playing nicely; it builds emotional maturity. And, let’s face it, it also widens their options when friendship groups sour.
And, if your child is on the outside looking in, remind them that Year 5 friendships are always evolving. The kid they say two words to now might become their closest mate by Year 6.
4. Be the friend you want your kid to be
Kids learn more from what we do than what we say (annoying, but true). If you talk kindly about your own friends, keep your promises, and don’t gossip at the school gate, you’re showing your child what healthy, respectful friendship looks like.
Even better? Share age-appropriate stories about times you made a mistake or lost a friend. Let them know that friendships aren’t perfect, but they’re worth it.
5. Raise a calm kid in a spicy world
It’s tempting to swoop in and “sort things out”, especially when you see your kid hurting. But part of growing up is learning to solve small problems before they become big ones.
More on this: 10 signs you’re the entire family’s emotional sherpa
Coach your child through what to say instead of saying it for them. “I felt left out today” is a great place to start. If things get really tricky or there’s a pattern of bullying, then yes, step in. But for the everyday hiccoughs, empower them to use their own voice.
A useful resource for this is Psych4Schools, which has excellent tools for conflict resolution and resilience building.
6. Keep an eye on the digital drama
Depending on your school or family rules, some Year 5 friendships groups are dipping their toes into the murky waters of group chats, shared devices and online messages. And what happens online doesn’t stay online.
Set boundaries around devices and talk regularly about kindness, tone and screen-free time. Let your child know that just because it’s digital doesn’t mean it’s private or consequence-free.
If they do experience online drama, stay calm. Treat it the same way you’d treat a playground issue: ask questions, listen, and work out a plan together.
7. Celebrate kindness, not popularity
If you only praise your child when they’re “in” with the right group, they’ll start to think that popularity = value. But if you celebrate their kindness, courage and inclusivity, they’ll learn that character is what really counts.
Try: “I loved how you invited Josh to join your game today, that was so thoughtful.” It helps shape their identity as someone who lifts others up and who looks for friends who do the same.
Research shows this builds more secure, supportive friendships over time.
8. Let them talk (even when it’s 9:47pm)
This might be the most important one. Your kid might not tell you everything, but they will keep coming back if they know they won’t get judged, lectured or dismissed.
Create space for little chats after school, at bedtime, in the car, on a walk, wherever you can. Remember, you don’t always need to solve the problem. In fact, sometimes just listening is the thing that helps most. Let your kid know that however twisty the friendship path gets, you’re walking right beside them.
In the end, it’s about connection
Year 5 friendships can be tough on kids and almost as tough on us parents. You’re not just packing lunchboxes and permission slips; you’re helping your child learn how to be a good friend, how to be treated well by others, and how to bounce back when things go pear-shaped.
These lessons are big. But we’re already teaching them in a hundred small ways every day through the way we listen, guide, and show up.
Friendship doesn’t come with a rulebook (if only), but these ideas are a solid place to start. And remember: this is only one year in your child’s long, lovely, complicated friendship journey.
Feature image Photo by Norma Mortenson; handstand by zaid isaac; girls in line by Anny Patterson
