Ah, the early years of parenting. A whirlwind of sleepless nights, endless snack requests, and the mysterious disappearance of anything resembling personal time. But then, almost imperceptibly, the tide begins to turn. The kids grow, gain independence, and suddenly, you find fragments of your former life returning.
This isn’t about wanting the kids to grow up too fast, either. Instead, it’s about reclaiming the small freedoms of a life you forgot you even missed. And it’s something I would love to have heard more about when I was deep in the trenches of those early years myself. I found those early years daunting, overwhelming and, just a little bit, endless.
So, consider this a little love letter to mums of young kids. I want you to know that yes, it does get physically easier (substantially). And yes, you do get to refind yourself somewhere along the way. In fact, you get to meet a whole new, improved, wonderful you who is so somehow so much better at adulting and life.
Here are some of the things I thought were gone forever in the early days but now I know come back, better than ever.
1. The luxury of uninterrupted thoughts
Remember when completing a sentence without being interrupted by “Mum!” or “Muuuuuum!!!” felt like a dream? As kids grow, so does their ability to entertain themselves, granting you the rare gift of uninterrupted thoughts. It’s like rediscovering the joy of your own brain.
A favourite memory: Max asking me a question and me saying “Please don’t interrupt me, honey” and him saying, “But you’re not talking” and me saying, “Inside my brain is very chatty right now.”
2. A full night’s sleep (mostly)
Sleep. Glorious, beautiful, horizontal sleep. Once they stop wandering in at 3am or needing reassurance every hour on the hour, your nights become your own again. You might even dream again — whole, actual dreams, not just the ones where you forgot to pack the lunchboxes.
Take it from a mother who’s child first slept through the night at 7 years old (yes, that’s years, not months): they all sleep well eventually.
3. The joy of spontaneous outings
There was a time when leaving the house required a 23-item checklist and a backup pair of pants (for all of us). Now? I just say, “Want to head out for ice cream?” and then just go get ice cream. No wet wipes, no meltdown over the wrong sandals. Just freedom. Delicious freedom.
Even better, eventually they can even drive themselves to get ice cream, no parent required.
4. Reclaiming your wardrobe
Once sticky fingers are less of a daily hazard, you can wear white again. Dangly earrings reappear. Shirts without boob access. You start to feel less like a “mum uniform” and more like yourself.
One thing, though, I found that I didn’t want to go back to complicated dressing, and that’s okay too. You do you!
5. The return of adult conversations
There’s a point when the dinner table chat shifts from “Guess what shape a wombat’s poo is” to actual, interesting discussions. Even better? You might finally get to finish a conversation with your fella without spelling out words or whispering like you’re in a spy movie.
Read this too: 100+ family conversation starters
6. Rediscovering personal hobbies
Remember hobbies? Hobbies! Reading. Yoga. Gardening. Running. Painting things that aren’t walls. As the kids get older and don’t require your constant physical presence, you get your time back. And that means time to do things that make you feel like you. (And yes, “scrolling alone in silence” counts.)
7. A clean (relatively) home
Okay, it’s not clean clean, but the LEGO isn’t underfoot anymore and the acrylic paint has mostly moved off the furniture. Older kids = fewer toys = less mess (kind of).
Try this: A quick guide to raising tidy kids (as much as is possible anyway)
You might even reach the stage where they clean up after themselves without being asked. I mean, my kids are practically adults now and this still hasn’t happened, but we still believe in miracles. One way to sort it is for your kid to get their own house to mess up. This helps a lot.
8. The ability to travel light
Gone are the nappy bags, the snacks for every possible mood, and the pram that doesn’t fit in the boot without a quick game of Tetris. These days you grab a bag, a bottle of water and off you go. I mean, you’ll need to be constantly calling out “Did you get your water bottle? Lunchbox? Backpack”, but you don’t actually have to do the sherpa-ing yourself.
9. Reconnecting with your partner
When the kids are little, your relationship can easily turn into “parenting partners” instead of “lifelong lovers”. But with fewer night-time wake-ups and more babysitting options, you can slowly find your way back to regular date nights and remembering why you liked each other in the first place. With a bit of luck, you might even get to have uninterrupted sex again (but, don’t hold your breath just yet).
10. Personal space
Bathrooms. Blankets. Phone calls. You can have them to yourself again. You don’t have to hide in the pantry to eat a biscuit. No one’s climbing onto your lap while you’re trying to wee.
It’s a small triumph, but it’s sweet. Just try not to miss all that unnecessary together time when the kids turn into teens and no longer want anything to do with you… sorry.
11. A renewed sense of self
And perhaps the best part? You start to remember who you were before the nappy bags, the meal plans, the Bluey marathons. You’re still Mum, but you also get to be a woman with ideas, passions and plans. You get to reintroduce yourself to yourself. Your new, improved, all together more wonderful self.
And honestly, it is kind of wonderful
Letting go of the little years is never easy. But getting yourself back kinda makes up for it. It’s restorative to grow back into your many selves, rather than just your mother self. And coming back to yourself shows your growing kids that being a parent doesn’t mean losing who you are.
Feature image by Quang Anh Ha Nguyen; gardening by KoolShooters
