Look, I’m going to be completely blunt here and you’ll probably hate me almost as much as I hate me, but I hate parenting a teenager, and I have two of them. There, I said it. I hate my own kids, I really do. Well, I don’t hate them, but I hate being their mum. I hate being responsible for how they are turning out. I hate having to motivate them to do something other than lounge around with their head in a phone. I hate it! HATE IT!
Written by an anon mum who really needs to get this off her chest!
That’s a lot of ‘hates’ in one paragraph, but I have my reasons. My girls are 14 and nearly 17 and I’m pretty much done with parenting both of them. Individually they are annoying, grabby, conceited, self-absorbed show-offs. Together they are unbearable. They fight constantly. Why they think it matters what the other is doing at any given time is beyond me. No one else cares, so why do they have to keep sizing each other up? Worse, why do they have to tell me about it all the time. Mum, she’s doing this and Mum, she’s doing that and Muuuum, she stole my blah, blah, blah, blah.
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No, really, seriously, how does anyone get through the teenage years without wanting to throw them out of the house. How is it ever nice to have these leeches in your life? You put so much effort in when they are younger, trying to teach them right from wrong, and help around the house, and be friendly and nice to others. Then, wham! They hit 13 and all your efforts are NOT REWARDED.
We are dead to them
Just when you think you can’t go on because babies, toddlers, preschoolers, early-schoolers and then pre-teens are so demanding, along come the teens. Before the teens, they are at least in love with you. You can do no wrong. They will do anything for your attention and just love you to bits.
Once they hit their teens, you are dead to them. Unless they need something. Then they suck up enough to get it before dumping you again. They stay out when they’re supposed to be in. They make really awful boyfriend choices, but you can’t say anything. They’re experimenting with things you haven’t even heard of and it’s probably making them even more mood-swingy than hormones ever could do. Then it’s whinge, whinge, I want this, whine, whine, I’m so tired, bitch, bitch, why is everyone so horrible to meeeeee?
Once they hit their teens, you are dead to them. Unless they need something.
You? Horrible to you? Have you tried living with a teenager lately? Aaaaagh. I cant’ stand it: I just hate parenting a teenager. I want it to be over. I literally want to kick them out of the house every day, but I’m too invested for that. Giving up would mean all the years I spent trying to raise decent human beings will all be for naught. If I ordered them out, it would be admitting defeat, and I’m not quite there yet.
Can’t we skip a decade or so?
But, oh my GOD, how I wish I could. I hate parenting a teenager so much that if I could wrap them up, put them on the shelf and take them down in 10 years time, I would. They could just keep cooking up there on the shelf until they were ready to be nice. Then they could come down. Around about age 25, I reckon ought to do it.
Am I alone? Does anyone else hate parenting teenagers? I mean, people talk about how it’s ‘hard’ and ‘relentless’ and all that, but nobody I know actually comes out and says they hate it. It’s why I’m staying anonymous, as I’m sure I’d be judged for loathing my own children.
♦ Related: 10 reasons why mums stop talking it out ♦
Look, I like to think it’s the age I hate, not the kid. God help me, not the kid. Imagine if this is it. Imagine if it’s not being a teenager, but that I’ve actually raised two useless psychopaths and that’s it. My life’s work.
Imagine if it’s not being a teenager, but that I’ve actually raised two useless psychopaths and that’s it. My life’s work.
Don’t be a SAHM
FFS, if there’s ever a case for staying at work, ladies, this is it. When you’re a SAHM, your life’s work could end up being teenagers-for-life. And then you’re basically screwed. STAY. AT. WORK, so at least you’ve got something else to show for the last decade and a half of your life.
Go on, hate me for hating my kids, but please try to understand me. I’m at my wits’ end and where do you go? Counsellors? Psychologists? Trust me, I’ve been there and all I know is they don’t come home with you and look after the kids. Eventually, it’s all on you, no matter what.
Don’t worry, I’ll rally. I always do. I put my nice Mum face on and I just keep on keeping on. I’m not even a yeller in real life. I just suck it up and keep the resentment inside. But I thought I’d get these ugly thoughts out on paper while I’m in trenches. We have to share these stories more! So, there you go: I hate parenting a teenager and maybe you do too.
Mum, out.
We offered support to this parent and encouraged her to reach out for help. If you need to talk to someone, there’s a great list of support resources here. The list was compiled for teenagers who need help, but their parents can call in, too.
Feature image by John-Mark Smith; blonde woman by Christian Fregnan; fake smile by Sydney Sims
counting the days
Sunday 1st of May 2022
I also hate my child. I feel so jealous when I see people who don't have kids working in their garden or going for a walk or being with their friends. I am a prisoner to my phone because If I don't answer as soon as my teenager needs me he becomes so angry and destructive in the house. My lovely dogs run and shake in the corner as soon as he raises his voice. Its purgatory! I never thought I'd feel this way about my kid and now I recognise that I am not alone in saying these shameful things. Has it always been like this or have we devolved and produced a superteenager that will bring down humankind? If you are reading this and have not had children yet get sterilised immediately. If you are lonely go to the shelter and adopt a dog instead of having a child. I wish I'd done that. I can't wait till my kid is 18 because that's when I am done! Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
Stacy adams
Sunday 22nd of May 2022
I’m so happy I’m not alone. My daughter is 16 and extremely sneaky and rebellious. She keeps getting into trouble for the same stuff and she’s sneaky. I literally have to put the Xbox and cellphone in my car because she will go through the house and look for it. She’s very inappropriate when it comes to men and is very desperate for social media. Me and my husband talked to her and told her she needs to find a job and save money because the day she turns 18 she is out of my house and i want nothing to do with her until she changes. Sometimes i feel like i hate her too and I’m counting down the days until she leaves. She’s a horrible person! I had to homeschool her because she was constantly having behaviors at school. Even the school mentioned to put her in military school, I’ve even called the police. I’ve been feeling like giving up my parental rights. I’m tired. You can show a child the good side of life and they will still choose the wrong path.
C.
Friday 24th of December 2021
I hate my 16 year old verbally and physically abusive son and he makes me wish I was fking DEAD. Our entire household is miserable because of him and I want nothing more than his exit from my life. FOREVER. My love for my 13 year old is the only reason I haven’t escaped this HELL (by whatever means). I feel so trapped.
B
Wednesday 20th of April 2022
I am like all the other parents here. I typed in ‘Is it normal to hate my 17 year old daughter’ and I am SOOOOOOO glad I found this!
I have 2 girls, 10 and 17. My 10 year is the only thing keeping me from driving over a cliff! She is still sweet and loving and just at tat sweet spot age - independent enough whilst still seeing mum and dad as the whole world. I love it and I think I am really appreciating it so much more because of where my 17 year is at.
Talk about hell on earth!!! Since the age of 14 she has just steadily become worse. We have had the full gamete - I have caught her using pot and trying to sneak ‘nangs’ in her bag. She has confessed to using mushrooms too! Obviously alcohol. And let’s just talk about the boyfriends - not only dating behind our back… but the choice! Oh my goodness they are just getting worse each time! And as she continues to lower her standards so does her behaviour.
The sad part if I thought we had finally come through just after she turned 17 and then she met the latest idiot. He is moody, rude, disrespectful and so much more. And since my daughter has been with him she not only returned to being disrespectful but she became soooooo much worse. The hatred she has for me is unbearable!!
It has left me feeling so overwhelmed that I have literally curled up in my walk in robe and just sobbed. I feel like a failure. feel like a bad parent, I feel weak and pathetic. I hate myself!
I hate difficult childhood and my one and only goal in life was to give my kids everything I didn’t have. Love, stability, safety, 2 parents who are always there. A loving home. And I thought I would be so close to my kids. We would have this ‘perfect’ relationship. And we did for a while and then it all went to poop! And I feel like I have lost control and I feel like a failure and I just keep looking at what I could have done better.
She even left home after a fight (we caught her forging a negative COVID test so she could see her idiot boyfriend) and she just lost it screaming and yelling. She left! My husband is very sick and has had chemo etc so he cannot afford to catch COVID and my daughter knows this.
After 2 months of trying we have finally managed to get her home. But now I feel there is a chasm between us. It feels even worse now. I was walking on eggshells before and now the fear is soooo much worse. Because she has left now and it will be easier.
I want my daughter back. We used to be so close! All I ever wanted was to be close with my kids!
Now I am fearful, angry, heartbroken and crushed. And the guilt! The guilt because sometimes I actually hate her too! I really hate her and I feel soooo guilty!
There was a part of me that didn’t want her home! Even though my husband and I cried when she left and we have wanted her home - the house had actually been so peaceful. It’s been lovely and a peaceful haven again! So there was a part of me that didn’t want her home and I feel sooo bad!
But she is back as of yesterday and I’m terrified that that something will upset her and she will leave and will never want to see me again. She barely kept in touch when she was gone. I went from never having spent a night apart from my daughter to not seeing her for over a month!
Honestly, if I had known parenting would be like I would never have had children because it’s soul crushing!
Sorry this is so long! I really needed to vent.
D
Tuesday 7th of December 2021
Fuck all of you. I’m sure your kids suck right now, but holy shit, can you not fucking realize that they’re struggling? If your teenager is having meltdowns, you exuding loveless, hateful energy certainly doesn’t help. Kids don’t have meltdowns if they’re not struggling. One of you even is talking shit about her daughter having anorexia. Maybe if your kids didn’t realize that you hated them they wouldn’t be so shitty. Food for thought. I probably would have killed myself if I found out my mother was writing about me like this when I was a teen.
TMT 2
Friday 21st of January 2022
I did not stop having feelings when I became a mother. Every piece of advice, every teacher, counselor, and random stranger basically tells you that you should just suck it up and take the mistreatment. Anyone who tells you that they always have great feelings about their teenager lying, manipulating, and treating them like trash is lying to you. People who are struggling are also capable of being hurtful and causing other people to struggle. Most of these moms have no outlet to express their feelings without guilt and I say, if they want to let it out here, anonymously, let them.
Von
Thursday 25th of November 2021
I have two teenage boys aged 14 and 17. My 14-year-old is very endearing the 17-year-old is awful. I dislike the way he treats me. He treats me as though I am his doormat, something wipe your dirty feet on. When he needs something, he is endearing for a minute, immediately after he is a swine. He talks to me as though I am stupid, very selfish, will never help around the house, and complains about everything. On several occasions, I have washed his clothes and he will complain if his brother sock ends up in the clothes, I have washed, ironed, and put on a rack for him. I hate the emotional and parental abuse. I would love to throw him out once he graduates from High School, but I know that will not do him any good. God knows I am tired, God knows I go all out for my kids and I love my sons, but I hate the way he treats me. I feel like such a failure to have such an ungrateful child. Does it get better, will it get better. I am ready for the Lord to call me home; it seems so much better than dealing with this.
Jessica
Thursday 2nd of December 2021
Thanks so much for your honesty. I googled “fed up being a mum to teens.” I’m sick of coming home from work to find the dirty dishes littering the kitchen, complaints about no food they like (having only stuff they liked last week), and piles of sweaty sports clothes left in random locations. I’ve told them my expectations numerous times but still they are self-entitled, ungrateful brats. I think it’s made worse by the fact that I’m so insignificant in their lives and they no longer want to spend time together as a family. Our home works as a hotel for sleepovers but I have to watch I don’t say too much to their friends. Mum and dad make great bankers and taxi drivers but our feelings seem irrelevant. I dread weekends and am so happy to have a challenging, rewarding job. Sorry for venting.
Bec
Wednesday 17th of November 2021
I wish we could all have a huge group hug!!!!! Sending my love and thought to you all!! Who knew our lives would ever amount to this. And to think it goes on for years it’s like living a nightmare. I’ve never felt so emotionally drained in my life. Maybe we should start a zoom group we could all vent, cry and have a glass of wine together!
Jessica
Thursday 2nd of December 2021
Great idea.
B
Saturday 20th of November 2021
I feel the same way. I too googled “I hate my teenagers.” Mine check the selfish, entitled, self absorbed, disrespectful boxes. And my teenage girl was hospitalized for anorexia a year and a half ago and guess who’s fault that is? Yup, good old mom Is responsible for the eating disorder. I too would like to drive far far away for a very long time. I am trying to foray into screenwriting and Television writing and so I simply claim 1-2 hours a day to do that. Yes, my family has labeled me selfish and obnoxious for spending time on something that does not pay bills but right now it is a hell of a lot more rewarding than parenting my bratty teens!