I hate parenting a teenager - confessions from a fed up mum

Look, I’m going to be completely blunt here and you’ll probably hate me almost as much as I hate me, but I hate parenting a teenager, and I have two of them. There, I said it. I hate my own kids, I really do. Well, I don’t hate them, but I hate being their mum. I hate being responsible for how they are turning out. I hate having to motivate them to do something other than lounge around with their head in a phone. I hate it! HATE IT!

Written by an anon mum who really needs to get this off her chest!

That’s a lot of ‘hates’ in one paragraph, but I have my reasons. My girls are 14 and nearly 17 and I’m pretty much done with parenting both of them. Individually they are annoying, grabby, conceited, self-absorbed show-offs. Together they are unbearable. They fight constantly. Why they think it matters what the other is doing at any given time is beyond me. No one else cares, so why do they have to keep sizing each other up? Worse, why do they have to tell me about it all the time. Mum, she’s doing this and Mum, she’s doing that and Muuuum, she stole my blah, blah, blah, blah.

Read this too: 40 things adults wish their parents had done differently


I hate parenting a teenager - it's just too hard

No, really, seriously, how does anyone get through the teenage years without wanting to throw them out of the house. How is it ever nice to have these leeches in your life? You put so much effort in when they are younger, trying to teach them right from wrong, and help around the house, and be friendly and nice to others. Then, wham! They hit 13 and all your efforts are NOT REWARDED.

We are dead to them

Just when you think you can’t go on because babies, toddlers, preschoolers, early-schoolers and then pre-teens are so demanding, along come the teens. Before the teens, they are at least in love with you. You can do no wrong. They will do anything for your attention and just love you to bits. 

Once they hit their teens, you are dead to them. Unless they need something. Then they suck up enough to get it before dumping you again. They stay out when they’re supposed to be in. They make really awful boyfriend choices, but you can’t say anything. They’re experimenting with things you haven’t even heard of and it’s probably making them even more mood-swingy than hormones ever could do. Then it’s whinge, whinge, I want this, whine, whine, I’m so tired, bitch, bitch, why is everyone so horrible to meeeeee?

Once they hit their teens, you are dead to them. Unless they need something.

You? Horrible to you? Have you tried living with a teenager lately? Aaaaagh. I cant’ stand it: I just hate parenting a teenager. I want it to be over. I literally want to kick them out of the house every day, but I’m too invested for that. Giving up would mean all the years I spent trying to raise decent human beings will all be for naught. If I ordered them out, it would be admitting defeat, and I’m not quite there yet.

Can’t we skip a decade or so?

But, oh my GOD, how I wish I could. I hate parenting a teenager so much that if I could wrap them up, put them on the shelf and take them down in 10 years time, I would. They could just keep cooking up there on the shelf until they were ready to be nice. Then they could come down. Around about age 25, I reckon ought to do it.

Am I alone? Does anyone else hate parenting teenagers? I mean, people talk about how it’s ‘hard’ and ‘relentless’ and all that, but nobody I know actually comes out and says they hate it. It’s why I’m staying anonymous, as I’m sure I’d be judged for loathing my own children.

♦  Related: 10 reasons why mums stop talking it out

Look, I like to think it’s the age I hate, not the kid. God help me, not the kid. Imagine if this is it. Imagine if it’s not being a teenager, but that I’ve actually raised two useless psychopaths and that’s it. My life’s work.

Imagine if it’s not being a teenager, but that I’ve actually raised two useless psychopaths and that’s it. My life’s work.

Don’t be a SAHM

FFS, if there’s ever a case for staying at work, ladies, this is it. When you’re a SAHM, your life’s work could end up being teenagers-for-life. And then you’re basically screwed. STAY. AT. WORK, so at least you’ve got something else to show for the last decade and a half of your life.

Go on, hate me for hating my kids, but please try to understand me. I’m at my wits’ end and where do you go? Counsellors? Psychologists? Trust me, I’ve been there and all I know is they don’t come home with you and look after the kids. Eventually, it’s all on you, no matter what.

Don’t worry, I’ll rally. I always do. I put my nice Mum face on and I just keep on keeping on. I’m not even a yeller in real life. I just suck it up and keep the resentment inside. But I thought I’d get these ugly thoughts out on paper while I’m in trenches. We have to share these stories more! So, there you go: I hate parenting a teenager and maybe you do too.

Mum, out.

If you want to talk to someone about parenting, there’s a great list of resources here. The list was compiled for teenagers who need help, but their parents can call in, too.


Feature image by John-Mark Smith; blonde woman by Christian Fregnan; fake smile by Sydney Sims

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