Look, I’m going to be completely blunt here and you’ll probably hate me almost as much as I hate me, but I hate parenting a teenager, and I have two of them. There, I said it. I hate my own kids, I really do. Well, I don’t hate them, but I hate being their mum. I hate being responsible for how they are turning out. I hate having to motivate them to do something other than lounge around with their head in a phone. I hate it! HATE IT!
Written by an anon mum who really needs to get this off her chest!
That’s a lot of ‘hates’ in one paragraph, but I have my reasons. My girls are 14 and nearly 17 and I’m pretty much done with parenting both of them. Individually they are annoying, grabby, conceited, self-absorbed show-offs. Together they are unbearable. They fight constantly. Why they think it matters what the other is doing at any given time is beyond me. No one else cares, so why do they have to keep sizing each other up? Worse, why do they have to tell me about it all the time. Mum, she’s doing this and Mum, she’s doing that and Muuuum, she stole my blah, blah, blah, blah.
Read this too: 40 things adults wish their parents had done differently
No, really, seriously, how does anyone get through the teenage years without wanting to throw them out of the house. How is it ever nice to have these leeches in your life? You put so much effort in when they are younger, trying to teach them right from wrong, and help around the house, and be friendly and nice to others. Then, wham! They hit 13 and all your efforts are NOT REWARDED.
We are dead to them
Just when you think you can’t go on because babies, toddlers, preschoolers, early-schoolers and then pre-teens are so demanding, along come the teens. Before the teens, they are at least in love with you. You can do no wrong. They will do anything for your attention and just love you to bits.
Once they hit their teens, you are dead to them. Unless they need something. Then they suck up enough to get it before dumping you again. They stay out when they’re supposed to be in. They make really awful boyfriend choices, but you can’t say anything. They’re experimenting with things you haven’t even heard of and it’s probably making them even more mood-swingy than hormones ever could do. Then it’s whinge, whinge, I want this, whine, whine, I’m so tired, bitch, bitch, why is everyone so horrible to meeeeee?
Once they hit their teens, you are dead to them. Unless they need something.
You? Horrible to you? Have you tried living with a teenager lately? Aaaaagh. I cant’ stand it: I just hate parenting a teenager. I want it to be over. I literally want to kick them out of the house every day, but I’m too invested for that. Giving up would mean all the years I spent trying to raise decent human beings will all be for naught. If I ordered them out, it would be admitting defeat, and I’m not quite there yet.
Can’t we skip a decade or so?
But, oh my GOD, how I wish I could. I hate parenting a teenager so much that if I could wrap them up, put them on the shelf and take them down in 10 years time, I would. They could just keep cooking up there on the shelf until they were ready to be nice. Then they could come down. Around about age 25, I reckon ought to do it.
Am I alone? Does anyone else hate parenting teenagers? I mean, people talk about how it’s ‘hard’ and ‘relentless’ and all that, but nobody I know actually comes out and says they hate it. It’s why I’m staying anonymous, as I’m sure I’d be judged for loathing my own children.
♦ Related: 10 reasons why mums stop talking it out ♦
Look, I like to think it’s the age I hate, not the kid. God help me, not the kid. Imagine if this is it. Imagine if it’s not being a teenager, but that I’ve actually raised two useless psychopaths and that’s it. My life’s work.
Imagine if it’s not being a teenager, but that I’ve actually raised two useless psychopaths and that’s it. My life’s work.
Don’t be a SAHM
FFS, if there’s ever a case for staying at work, ladies, this is it. When you’re a SAHM, your life’s work could end up being teenagers-for-life. And then you’re basically screwed. STAY. AT. WORK, so at least you’ve got something else to show for the last decade and a half of your life.
Go on, hate me for hating my kids, but please try to understand me. I’m at my wits’ end and where do you go? Counsellors? Psychologists? Trust me, I’ve been there and all I know is they don’t come home with you and look after the kids. Eventually, it’s all on you, no matter what.
Don’t worry, I’ll rally. I always do. I put my nice Mum face on and I just keep on keeping on. I’m not even a yeller in real life. I just suck it up and keep the resentment inside. But I thought I’d get these ugly thoughts out on paper while I’m in trenches. We have to share these stories more! So, there you go: I hate parenting a teenager and maybe you do too.
Mum, out.
We offered support to this parent and encouraged her to reach out for help. If you need to talk to someone, there’s a great list of support resources here. The list was compiled for teenagers who need help, but their parents can call in, too.
Feature image by John-Mark Smith; blonde woman by Christian Fregnan; fake smile by Sydney Sims
I also hate my child. I feel so jealous when I see people who don’t have kids working in their garden or going for a walk or being with their friends. I am a prisoner to my phone because If I don’t answer as soon as my teenager needs me he becomes so angry and destructive in the house. My lovely dogs run and shake in the corner as soon as he raises his voice. Its purgatory! I never thought I’d feel this way about my kid and now I recognise that I am not alone in saying these shameful things. Has it always been like this or have we devolved and produced a superteenager that will bring down humankind? If you are reading this and have not had children yet get sterilised immediately. If you are lonely go to the shelter and adopt a dog instead of having a child. I wish I’d done that. I can’t wait till my kid is 18 because that’s when I am done! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
I’m so happy I’m not alone. My daughter is 16 and extremely sneaky and rebellious. She keeps getting into trouble for the same stuff and she’s sneaky. I literally have to put the Xbox and cellphone in my car because she will go through the house and look for it. She’s very inappropriate when it comes to men and is very desperate for social media. Me and my husband talked to her and told her she needs to find a job and save money because the day she turns 18 she is out of my house and i want nothing to do with her until she changes. Sometimes i feel like i hate her too and I’m counting down the days until she leaves. She’s a horrible person! I had to homeschool her because she was constantly having behaviors at school. Even the school mentioned to put her in military school, I’ve even called the police. I’ve been feeling like giving up my parental rights. I’m tired. You can show a child the good side of life and they will still choose the wrong path.
I hate my 16 year old verbally and physically abusive son and he makes me wish I was fking DEAD. Our entire household is miserable because of him and I want nothing more than his exit from my life. FOREVER. My love for my 13 year old is the only reason I haven’t escaped this HELL (by whatever means). I feel so trapped.
I am like all the other parents here. I typed in ‘Is it normal to hate my 17 year old daughter’ and I am SOOOOOOO glad I found this!
I have 2 girls, 10 and 17. My 10 year is the only thing keeping me from driving over a cliff! She is still sweet and loving and just at tat sweet spot age – independent enough whilst still seeing mum and dad as the whole world. I love it and I think I am really appreciating it so much more because of where my 17 year is at.
Talk about hell on earth!!! Since the age of 14 she has just steadily become worse. We have had the full gamete – I have caught her using pot and trying to sneak ‘nangs’ in her bag. She has confessed to using mushrooms too! Obviously alcohol. And let’s just talk about the boyfriends – not only dating behind our back… but the choice! Oh my goodness they are just getting worse each time! And as she continues to lower her standards so does her behaviour.
The sad part if I thought we had finally come through just after she turned 17 and then she met the latest idiot. He is moody, rude, disrespectful and so much more. And since my daughter has been with him she not only returned to being disrespectful but she became soooooo much worse. The hatred she has for me is unbearable!!
It has left me feeling so overwhelmed that I have literally curled up in my walk in robe and just sobbed. I feel like a failure. feel like a bad parent, I feel weak and pathetic. I hate myself!
I hate difficult childhood and my one and only goal in life was to give my kids everything I didn’t have. Love, stability, safety, 2 parents who are always there. A loving home. And I thought I would be so close to my kids. We would have this ‘perfect’ relationship. And we did for a while and then it all went to poop! And I feel like I have lost control and I feel like a failure and I just keep looking at what I could have done better.
She even left home after a fight (we caught her forging a negative COVID test so she could see her idiot boyfriend) and she just lost it screaming and yelling. She left! My husband is very sick and has had chemo etc so he cannot afford to catch COVID and my daughter knows this.
After 2 months of trying we have finally managed to get her home. But now I feel there is a chasm between us. It feels even worse now. I was walking on eggshells before and now the fear is soooo much worse. Because she has left now and it will be easier.
I want my daughter back. We used to be so close! All I ever wanted was to be close with my kids!
Now I am fearful, angry, heartbroken and crushed. And the guilt! The guilt because sometimes I actually hate her too! I really hate her and I feel soooo guilty!
There was a part of me that didn’t want her home! Even though my husband and I cried when she left and we have wanted her home – the house had actually been so peaceful. It’s been lovely and a peaceful haven again! So there was a part of me that didn’t want her home and I feel sooo bad!
But she is back as of yesterday and I’m terrified that that something will upset her and she will leave and will never want to see me again. She barely kept in touch when she was gone. I went from never having spent a night apart from my daughter to not seeing her for over a month!
Honestly, if I had known parenting would be like I would never have had children because it’s soul crushing!
Sorry this is so long! I really needed to vent.
Just wanted to say, I read your comment. It really struck me in regards to the guilt and wanting the best then BAM, teen years. Hang in there, you got this. It isn’t forever just a little time.
I could have written your post and like you, I have a ten year old keeping me sane. Today my teen has followed through with her threat of reporting me to children’s services because I won’t let her stay up all night texting her boyfriend. I absolutely feel your pain
I totally feel the same. Cried when my daughter left but then started to enjoy the peace. Shes been back 6 months but I feel like i cant parent her because she will leave again. It doesnt take much for her to hate me. When she left she told people alot of lies about me aswell. Im constantly scared that shes gonna leave again and break my heart and also that she’ll bad mouth me again.
Fuck all of you. I’m sure your kids suck right now, but holy shit, can you not fucking realize that they’re struggling? If your teenager is having meltdowns, you exuding loveless, hateful energy certainly doesn’t help. Kids don’t have meltdowns if they’re not struggling. One of you even is talking shit about her daughter having anorexia. Maybe if your kids didn’t realize that you hated them they wouldn’t be so shitty. Food for thought. I probably would have killed myself if I found out my mother was writing about me like this when I was a teen.
I did not stop having feelings when I became a mother. Every piece of advice, every teacher, counselor, and random stranger basically tells you that you should just suck it up and take the mistreatment. Anyone who tells you that they always have great feelings about their teenager lying, manipulating, and treating them like trash is lying to you. People who are struggling are also capable of being hurtful and causing other people to struggle. Most of these moms have no outlet to express their feelings without guilt and I say, if they want to let it out here, anonymously, let them.
I have two teenage boys aged 14 and 17. My 14-year-old is very endearing the 17-year-old is awful. I dislike the way he treats me. He treats me as though I am his doormat, something wipe your dirty feet on. When he needs something, he is endearing for a minute, immediately after he is a swine. He talks to me as though I am stupid, very selfish, will never help around the house, and complains about everything. On several occasions, I have washed his clothes and he will complain if his brother sock ends up in the clothes, I have washed, ironed, and put on a rack for him. I hate the emotional and parental abuse. I would love to throw him out once he graduates from High School, but I know that will not do him any good. God knows I am tired, God knows I go all out for my kids and I love my sons, but I hate the way he treats me. I feel like such a failure to have such an ungrateful child. Does it get better, will it get better. I am ready for the Lord to call me home; it seems so much better than dealing with this.
Thanks so much for your honesty. I googled “fed up being a mum to teens.” I’m sick of coming home from work to find the dirty dishes littering the kitchen, complaints about no food they like (having only stuff they liked last week), and piles of sweaty sports clothes left in random locations. I’ve told them my expectations numerous times but still they are self-entitled, ungrateful brats.
I think it’s made worse by the fact that I’m so insignificant in their lives and they no longer want to spend time together as a family. Our home works as a hotel for sleepovers but I have to watch I don’t say too much to their friends. Mum and dad make great bankers and taxi drivers but our feelings seem irrelevant. I dread weekends and am so happy to have a challenging, rewarding job. Sorry for venting.
I wish we could all have a huge group hug!!!!! Sending my love and thought to you all!! Who knew our lives would ever amount to this. And to think it goes on for years it’s like living a nightmare. I’ve never felt so emotionally drained in my life. Maybe we should start a zoom group we could all vent, cry and have a glass of wine together!
I feel the same way. I too googled “I hate my teenagers.” Mine check the selfish, entitled, self absorbed, disrespectful boxes. And my teenage girl was hospitalized for anorexia a year and a half ago and guess who’s fault that is? Yup, good old mom Is responsible for the eating disorder. I too would like to drive far far away for a very long time. I am trying to foray into screenwriting and Television writing and so I simply claim 1-2 hours a day to do that. Yes, my family has labeled me selfish and obnoxious for spending time on something that does not pay bills but right now it is a hell of a lot more rewarding than parenting my bratty teens!
Great idea.
Thank you for this post–and for those who want to judge me for this one– they are not the first– I am already my own judge and jury. I feel like the worst mother on earth and I hate myself as much as I hate my 17 year old son. He is sincerely nasty and mean. In fact, he is a bully and often don’t feel safe in my own house. He knows well my vulnerabilities and belittles me whenever possible for entertainment. In fact I try to avoid him as much as possible for my own mental health. I have tried everything. He refuses to speak to anyone so I am getting therapy. He smokes pot, vapes and spends most of the time hanging out with his friends. Spends all his extra money on hype clothing. He is explosive when he doesn’t get his own way. He doesn’t lift a finger for anyone. What’s worse if I truly feel like he has no values beyond materialism and celebrity. I cannot relate to him at all.
I did not raise my son to be like this. I don’t know how he became this. I have tried to help him and support him in every way possible. I feel like such a FAILURE.
My mother told me two years ago she sometimes regretted having kids. I knew she was speaking my half brothers (but she could’ve been referring to me too) I was shocked. Now I understand what she means. I feel I have lost years of my life–and for what??
Thank you so much for this. Like many other moms on here I googled, “I hate my teenage daughter.” This post was by far the best, because it was the most honest. I have two daughters (8 & 13). The 8 yo is an angel. Sweet, kind, considerate, empathetic. The 13 year old is the complete opposite. I cannot count the number of times I’ve mumbled “Fucking bitch.” under my breath after having to redirect her behavior. I think about shipping her off to her dad’s but he and I do not have a co-parenting relationship. I wish I did though so I could get this child out of my house.
If I was ever this horrible of a human being to my mother I pray to God for forgiveness.
I often think of my own mum too, Na!
I’m so glad i am not alone here!! Son 15 going on 16… I’m battling my feeling n emotions all the time, just counting down days until he can move out! Tired of being lied to.. Hated and loathed. When i have sacrificed so much of my time, energy and money without appreciation. Our relationship sucks, cuz how can I have a decent relationship with someone who is lying if their mouth is moving… Lazy, secretive and selfish.. Teenagers suck!!!!!!! All these forums saying not to take it personal, blah blah blah HOW!! I am not a robot… If it were ANYONE else as humans we would cut them out of our lives, but we’re forced to live with it when they’re our children. And supposed to not have those feeling of betrayal or hatred towards them… Such a struggle…. I too am ready for him to be in his 20s and not be such a lazy, lying jerk anymore… Please god i hope he becomes a better adult than teenager.
I hear ya, If it’s any solace, many times I didn’t like my son one little bit from age 12 until about 17. The love was always there, but the like was AWOL. He’s “coming good” as he gets older and I’m finding him much likeable again.
You’re insanely disgusting and i feel extremely sick at what i just read. I myself am autistic and 13 years old. For you to say you hate your daughter is horrific and you might as well just commit every war crime in the book. I can understand how hard your position may be but for you to even think about commenting this is beyond me. You will never understand autism if you are not autistic yourself, meltdowns are serious and judging by your ballistic attitude towards life, you most definitely think she is just ” playing up ”. You’d shout at her when the times she needs you the most, probably punish her and take her phone off her which would probably help her calm down. You’re disgusting and you’re pseudo intellectualism really isn’t fooling anybody. Please get help, tell your daughter that you love her and that you are here for her. Because all i see in you is a weak-minded, narcassistic jerk. I also apologise, english isn’t my first language nor is the alphabet that familiar it’s self
I needed to hear this so much… I truly hate being a parent of teenagers. I don’t use the word hate lightly, and I can honestly say “hate” and mean it in my bones. It is the most thankless energy-sucking job I have EVER done, I think about quitting every single fucking day. Somedays they are nice and I get fooled into thinking “oh this isn’t so bad” and then I realize it’s because they want something! Jerks! I have to say, I wasn’t expecting my teenagers to be assholes. They were normal little kids (good and bad days) but teenagers are just a completely different species. I can do nothing right. They come to me with a problem, I try my best to be understanding and helpful and I get shit on because of my tone, or they don’t want to do that, etc etc etc. They are entitled spoiled know-it-alls which I am still shaking my head about because we tried so hard not to spoil them, to teach them to be kind, to be grateful, to be helpful and they were doing good UNTIL they became teenagers. I work full-time from my home office – neither of them has ever thought to do anything to help out without being asked and god-forbid when I do ask it interferes with their nap, or tv show, or bath, or video game or “insert anything”… I am so resentful that I can’t even stand myself!! I’m exhausted all the time. I try but they have this way of sucking the life out of me and they are sooo dam expensive! Phew, what a vent… feels great to be so brutely honest. In the end, I do love them. I do believe they will become good humans again. But if you ask me right now, if I could turn back time would I have kids the answer would be absolutely 100% NO. I hate parenting them and if I could skip this part I would do it in a heartbeat.
I’m just a dad. Not a mom. Have my kids about half the time. But completely done with my 15 year old son. Try to spend all my free time with my 2 sons. He was a completely “normal” kids until 7th grade (now 9th). Wont participate in any outside activity, won’t leave his room, grades are shit, only spends time on phone, and has come out as gay. Completely lied to his friends that I yell at him all the time (I honesty don’t raise my voice and have been complete supportive of his life choice). I can’t wait for him to move out and away. So tired of his attitude and indifference.
Yes I hate my 15 year old daughter at times. She is a top student but she is whinny, arrogant, rude, and self entitled. We make her do housework but it’s always a struggle. They say it’s a stage that this is normal but honestly I think it’s a modern phenomenon – started in the 50s when teen subcultures were invented and the internet has adequate this far worse. Teens were/ are told they are special, they special everywhere, especially o
the internet and soci media. – even at school. Anyway thanks for the article – not sure what to do but at least I’m not alone.
So many typos..oops…we don’t make my daughter do ALL the housework, no Cinderella here- just help empty the dishwasher and occasionally bring her own clothes in from the line.
This article is amazing. I promise if you weren’t anonymous I’d would NOT judge or hate you. Because I literally googled I hate my teenager this morning and found your article! Thaaaaaaaaank you. I’m tired of all these other parents I know praising their kids. Tired of the stupid therapists that say we must love them through it. This chick in my house is the fucking plague. Nothing to do but stand in solidarity with other mums!
I actually do hate my teenager. Hate, hate hate. There, I said it. He is a twin and was the one that pulled away when I held him, cried to be the first to be fed, was the most demanding and now he’s 17, is on his 4th high school, having sex with his girlfriend in my house, drinking, smoking pot, stealing money from my purse, and totally acts as if I am the most stupid person he has even encountered. He pays lip service to my house rules, but then does whatever he wants. My ex-husband criticizes me for not having more control, but damn, I’m just trying to keep peace at home so things don’t escalate into blows. I am extremely resentful and trying to keep my own anger in check.
I had a health scare two nights ago and though that I was having a stroke. As I was laying there on the floor, not able to move, I thought that it was totally sad that I could die with this kid causing me such pain. What did I do to deserve this? Life is way too short. I have been through IT ALL with this kid and I am ready to be done.
I am glad to know that I am not alone.
You are not alone at all. Sending you support and love! #momtribe #sisterwarriors
You’re not alone love trust me!! I never thought I’d feel so low in my entire life. I’d love to have a magic wand and skip teenage years!
Thank you for this, I really needed to know that I wasn’t alone 🙁 I am trying to be patient and clam but fuck it is so hard my 15 year old daughter just keeps pushing, it’s one thing after another, after another, after a fucken other. Sorry for the language but shit this is annoying and draining.
Thank you all for letting me know I am not alone in this dilemma of raising teenagers.
Language always okay around here, Jade. Sorry it’s so bloody tough!! I agree that it feels better when we know we are not the only one struggling.
You are not alone. I thought I got lucky to have my son be such a respectful, decent and loving kid when he was little. Now, omg, it’s almost like I’ve never hated someone so deep in my life. The hormones, sneaking and watching porn, talking back, saying dumb shit as if he actually understands life outside of his very limited experiences. I’m a single parent with no one to turn too and honestly I wish he could live with someone else. I’m so over it. It wouldn’t even feel like defeat to me, it would feel like peace and a chance to reroute my life and move on. But his dad is horrible and my kid didn’t grow up around my family so I’m in this alone. The truth of the matter is, little young adults are dickheads and assholes and the most little shits to ever exist.
OMG I have a 14 y/o teenage son too and it is awful!! The other day I was running errands with him and naturally he wanted to wait in the car as he is super lazy!!When I came out I caught him jerking off!! SUPER GROSS! He has his own room with a lock on the door at home! I’m a single mom as well and it sucks raising a teenage boy!!
It’s really challenging, no doubt about it. I hope you have support, Nancy. Just in case you need them, here are some crisis contacts (I hope it doesn’t come to that, but always good to know there is someone there): Family Relationship Advice Line
1800 050 321, 8 am-8 pm Monday to Friday, 10 am-4 pm Saturday
Kids Helpline
1800 551 800, 24 hours 7 days
Lifeline
131 114, 24 hours 7 days
Thank you for this. I have a 14y girl and I realized that you really can call it an abusive relationship. I often feel like I do everything wrong and nothing is good enough. I feel anxious around her, because I have to be careful with my tone of voice, my words, my look etc. If I try to make some rules for her, she starts an endless debate about it and it takes all of my energy as I try to be a patient parent and respond to her calmly. I feel like a wuss for letting her act like this. I hate her behavior! I have tried to talk to her for so many times, but she always turns everything against me and I feel like a piece of crap.
To think that I didn’t even want them in the first place, kills me. I hate the parent I have become. I am exhausted and have stopped caring.
Thank you. Thank you for sharing this. I hate my kids. I’ve been at home with them for 18 years, I went through infertility to even have them, and I can’t stand them. I want to do is cry and my husband is a complete dick when it comes to understanding. Thank you for sharing. It’s so good to know I’m not the only one
I can’t tell you grateful I am for all of these posts! Thank you so much. I have been feeling so guilty for having these feelings but at least I know it is normal! What ever happened to my sweet daughter, my little shadow. She has totally disappeared and been replaced with a she devil . All I hope is that it is temporary, surely she has to change back somewhere some time please! God I hope so because I really can’t take much more, it’s just so hurtful : (
I hate him, I hate me, I hate my life. Its abusive lonely and now I genuinely don’t care. What a god dam waste of effort my life is… I pray every night I will not wake up in the morning
I feel this… Hoping it will get better for us!
Thank you all So much!
I am grateful to have stumbled upon this post. Of course, I found it by typing words I have never typed before: “I hate my teen children.” I felt terrible for even typing it. My horrors started a bit late, a couple years ago, when they were 17 and 19. Both my son and daughter have taken up with abusive significant others who seem to control their lives. When they are not being controlled, my kids are utterly self-centered, complaining to me about the smallest of matters, never pitching in, never stopping to evaluate the impact of their own actions or inactions. I worry that they aren’t good people, the people I spent their lives trying to help them to be. I am not perfect, but I have been patient and attentive, wanting them to feel safe and loved, above all. We used to have so much fun, even during hard times, before their father and I split up. For the longest while, I thought being a mother was the best thing I’d ever done. Most nights, now, I cry myself to sleep over the seeming loss. It’s a lonely feeling.
I’m so sorry you feel like this Susan. Your situation makes my googling “fed up being mum of teens” seem selfish and petty. It sounds like your teenagers feel safe, secure and loved by you, unlike in their other relationships. They seem to be trying to find some power and a place to vent in a loving place. Unlike my brats, they need you and have a good role model away from their “significant others.” I hope you get them back and away from the relationships soon.
Hello there from the UK – currently dealing with a rude, entitled, school refusing 14 yr okd daughter who was a lovely kid once upon a time – ugh – I hate myself for saying it but sometimes I wish I was childless – there is no peace & calm anymore and I give so much only to have it metaphorically spat back at me – I think a lot of it is caused by the society we all live in – sending live and good luck to all exhausted parents xxxxxx
I’d hate you too, you sound disgusting and overly idiotic. You guys really love to play the victim. Ever thought about your daughters feelings? You need to understand her position, refusing school is serious and one wouldn’t do it for the sake of it. And you don’t deserve to be a mother if you can’t understand that.
I am struggling to love my teenage daughter. She is awful, disrespectful and rude. Such a departure from the delightful child she was. It hurts everyday and being home because of Covid and going through menopause is making me insane.
She feels she is controlled when I ask her where she is going and who she is going with… she thinks she should take our car without asking for permission. Entitled behavior and that wasn’t taught by me.
This is for ALL I have adapted the either/or parenting style to save my sanity….example “you can take out the trash. It’s okay either way it fine with me. If you do it then you can have time to do xyz. If you don’t then you can not. Either way is fine with me” it helps my attitude and makes a difference.
Thank you for printing the words in my head. I hate my teenager!! Ugh. Love him. But hate him. It’s such a contorted relationship that creates such emotional whiplash it’s exhausting.
I just typed in I hate my teenagers too !!
I’m constantly exhausted, dealing with bad behaviour, refusal to eat the food I’ve cooked, name calling , being told ‘I hate you’
It goes on and on.
My middle child is a 14 year old girl and she is
my most difficult.
She has even thrown punches at me. Slams the door in my face.
The years I have put into them and the love I have given them … for what !! If it was a spouse , we leave as it works be called a violent relationship. They are selfish and just want want want. I too just want to get into my car and drive far away and never come back.
It’s just so depressing worrying all the time about them and not getting any care or love back . It’s making me sick to the stomach: I get told I’m a bad mother … and perhaps they are right .
I wish I was a different person with a different life. I don’t know who I am anymore and I often cry secretly into my pillow at nights careful to not wake my husband.
Help!
I also know how you feel I to have a 13 year old daughter she is awfull I to just want to walk away never look back I’m sick of being hit cannot reamber the the last time she was happy I’m so glad I’m not alone
I feel guilty every time I hate my almost 15-year-old middle child. I have three boys, *three* teenagers. Their bio-dad is no longer in the picture, so I raised them on my own. My middle was actually the timid, quite child growing up and could never leave my side. His father, his favorite person, abandoned him/us when he was very young and promised to return but never did. The psychologist believes that trauma has turned my sweet little boy into the angry, raging, disrespectful child that he is now. There are some good days, but the bad days truly sucks the life out of me and I wish I could ship him away. I’ve even googled, “can I kick out my kid when he’s 18” and then feel like a horrible unloving mother.
Thank you for making me feel like I’m not alone. I absolutely loath raising teens. I love them, I’d give my life for them, but at the same time, I hate being a mother so fucking much. All the sacrifice, hardship, busting my ass working, cooking, cleaning, doing mountains of laundry, wiping asses, providing birthdays and Christmases and this is what it all comes to? Living with selfish little pricks who are entitled, lazy, and don’t give one little fuck about me and acknowledge anything I’ve done for them? I sacrificed my youth and life for people who make my life a miserable living hell!? Sometimes I just want to off myself to escape the misery of this bs life and the turmoil, chaos, and disrespect I endure on a daily basis. I don’t even feel like I have a soul or identity anymore. They have absolutely crushed my heart and make me feel like the most worthless piece of shit on the planet. Oh how much I hate my fucking life. I’d love to just walk away, build a cabin in the woods and just live there in peace away from everyone for the rest of my days.
Thank you for this. I have five teenagers and I am worn out by how my two sons treat me. It’s like they hate everything about me. I get glared at for washing their clothes and the food is never good enough.
Totally get it!!! I read this just in time because I’m about to lose it with my teenage boys. I could just get in my car and drive…for like..10 years…maybe!
Thanks for sharing
Momentarily, I was questioning what kind of monster I might be, as I was typing into Google, “I hate my teenager”… Burning hot tears rolling down my face, searching for an explanation for the heartbreak and rage that had taken over my sanity… I was also imagining the joy it would bring me to just ditch my ungrateful teen and runaway!
As I began to read this post, in all of its raw glory, I felt relief… I found myself smiling at the shared, relatable horror of actually having pondered whether or not I have raised a sociopath! Thank you, for sharing your candid thoughts and feelings about parenting teenagers, and for reminding me that we, parents, are still human!
Just what I needed to read today. I can totally relate to how awful one feels when investing so many years into being a SAHM and ending up with two badly behaved teenagers. At the moment I am wishing I had invested my time into a lucrative career instead!
Absolute same only I have 3. Glad to hear it coming from a woman. My wife looks at me like I’m crazy for thinking all this
Thank you for letting me know I’m not the only one. All of the parenting advice I read assumes I have the emotional intelligence to stop myself from pouncing on her as soon as she gets home, engaging in arguments just to get some attention from her, and nagging her to talk to me. I know all of these are immature and counterproductive behaviors on my part. I hate what I have become as the parent of a teen girl. I’m an angry, bitter, heartbroken stalker, begging for a morsel of the love and affection we used to share. It’s really hard to live with a teenager most days, knowing she’s up there in her room avoiding me or watching her stand up and leave the room when I enter. And I hate myself for what I have become.
Holy cow! You’re so spot in!! I seriously feel this in my bones!! Teenagers are the absolute worst age and they are soul suckers!
My god, I couldn’t have written it better myself. My teens definitely make me question my sanity and my life choices. I think I’d be correct in saying we all just hate each other. Lol.
That bit really got me : ” I’m so resentful that I can’t even stand myself”
The self loathing that goes with these troubles is so overwhelming:( Thanks for venting.
Wow I am so relieved to have found this. Every time you type into Google about feelings towards your teenager it pulls up some BS like you must connect with them, understand them, spend time with them! Society has created these lazy brats with no respect. My 16 year old has been a nightmare for two years. She told me one day to stick her d&$@ which by the way she doesn’t even have. I smacked her across face and you know what she did. Punches me. Now the power has turned. She verbally abuses me, destroys our home, breaks things. She walks around in our home with pocket knives. I call police and they say oh it’s a temper tantrum. And she has a right to defend her self with blades if she goes out side. But what about in my house! I hate her. And I’ll say it again. I really do. Husband hasn’t talked to her in months. Like others said we invested so much to mold them into good people. I wish I could drop her off somewhere. It’s only bc my other kids would be so upset that I don’t. God help me. It’s too much