Some people consider something is lacking if they have a small group of friends. That’s where the word ‘only’ comes in – if you ‘only’ have something, it feels like something else is missing. But when it comes to friendship groups, small can be everything you need.
Throughout high school, my group of friends has changed a lot. I had a big friendship group in Years 7 and 8, probably around 20 people. Then in Year 9, after quarantine, my group was literally down to three. So, I’ve had the best of both worlds – I know the good and the bad about having a small group of friends, or being part of a much larger friendship group.
Overall, I’ve found that it’s not about how many people you have in your group; you really don’t need more than a handful of friends. Unless you’re keen to be seen as being “popular,” but that’s a whole other conversation!
What is a ‘small’ group of friends?
For me, a small group is sitting with six people or fewer. Keep in mind, this doesn’t mean you’re restricted to only having five other friends. Go talk to new people in your classes, say hi to other groups when you’re on your way to your “spot,” and don’t feel tied to only these few people. A small group can be your home base, but it doesn’t need to limit your social circle.
But, if you get a good group of six going, it’s mostly golden. Here are the pros and cons of having a small group of friends that I’ve found.
The pros of a small group of friends
Far less drama
I absolutely hate drama, especially when it involves me. There is nothing worse than having a group inside a group or seeing everyone else split into pairs without knowing where you fit.
In my experience, there is always less drama in a small group because you all know what’s going on and where you stand. There are no secrets, no one is trying to move groups. You’re all friends, so it’s generally a more comfortable, homely environment.
You have a solid group of friends
There’s a saying that you should only be able to count your close friends on one hand – it’s true. These people are the ones you’ll count on. They’ll be there for the good times and the bad. Honestly, I’d take three good friends over 12 “friends” any day.
Deeper connections
With fewer people in your group, you get to know each other really well. You have time to build trust and understand each other on a deeper level. You know their quirks, their humour and what makes them tick. I think these deeper connections make your friendships more meaningful and supportive and, hopefully, they’ll last long after our school days.
You don’t feel pressured to impress
I’ve found that in smaller groups, you don’t need to “perform” or pretend to fit in with a crowd. You’re more likely to be yourself, and that can be incredibly freeing.
You know your friends like you for who you are, not because you’re trying to meet some invisible standard. I find that if I’m part of a larger group that I don’t know very well, I tend to ‘perform’ as the kind of person I think they will like best. I’m basically not quite myself and I don’t like that.
Less competition
There’s less need to compete in a small group, don’t you think? No one’s fighting to be the centre of attention, and you’re not comparing yourself to a big group of people all the time. You can just relax and enjoy the friendship without unnecessary noise.
Social activities are MUCH easier
It is so much easier to organise social activities. Finding a day when you’re all available is a breeze, and there’s never a worry about whether you’re inviting the right people. These outings become less stressful and way more fun!
Quality over quantity
Small groups often mean you’re focused on building stronger, healthier friendships rather than spreading yourself too thin. You don’t have to constantly check in with 20 different people or manage group chats that feel like they’re never-ending.
Instead, you’ve got your core group, you know each other super well, and you kind of all grow together. In a big group I feel like I never got to know anyone particularly well. Even if you do start get to know a couple of people better, others accuse you of leaving them out. It feels a bit lose-lose.
The cons of a small group of friends
The group dynamics are dependent
Having a small group is good, but it can be annoying when you feel like catching up on an assignment in the library or sitting with friends from class. If other people in your group are away, who do you sit with? If one person moves schools, will the entire group dynamic change?
You can’t throw a big party
Regardless of the number of friends you have, it can be awkward when people from six different places show up at your house with no one to talk to. At least if you have a big group of friends at school, you can have a party where everyone knows each other.
Nothing goes unnoticed
This is probably the biggest issue I’ve found with a small group – you can’t get away with anything. If you’re feeling quiet on a particular day, everyone wants to know why. If something happens in your life, everyone needs to be in on it. At least with a larger group, you can occasionally slide into the shadows and lay low for a while.
Less variety in perspectives
In a small group, you might not get as many diverse opinions or perspectives. Larger groups can bring in a wider range of ideas and experiences, which can be fun and interesting.
Harder to expand your network
With a small group, your social interactions might feel more limited. A bigger group introduces you to more people, which can open up more opportunities for connections and friendships. I sometimes feel a bit stifled by the smallness of my school circle. Fortunately I have other friends I’ve made through my hobbies of gymnastics and cheer, so I never feel stifled for long!
So, big group or small group?
At the end of the day, I’ve found both small and big groups have their ups and downs. It’s about what works for you and where you feel happiest. A small group might mean deeper friendships, less drama, and easier plans, but it also requires flexibility and independence to navigate those quieter moments. The main thing to note is you don’t have to panic if your group is smaller – there are more pros than cons to that, IMO.
So, what kind of group are you in? Or do you prefer to keep it open-ended? Either way, embrace the friendships you have and don’t be afraid to try something different – because who knows what amazing people you’ll meet along the way!
Feature image by Tim Mossholder; skateboards by Max Fischer; girls at the beach by Ron Lach
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