A couple of years ago, you caved in and got The Elf. The kids loved it, you kinda loved it, that cheeky, funny, lovable elf brought the Christmas joy in sleigh-loads. You called him Noel (geddit?), and he was the most fun you’ve ever had in December while sober for a good couple of weeks. And then, goddamn it, you ran out of easy elf on the shelf ideas.
No, wait, you actually ran out of elf care-factor. You didn’t care where the elf ended up, you just knew you needed to move that damn thing. Every. f$#*&ing. night. Your last thought before drifting off at night was, “Did I move Noel? Did I?” and the answer was, invariably, no you did not.
When you’ve run out of easy Elf on the Shelf ideas
You dragged yourself through the rest of December, limping towards the 25th when Noel could pack his bags, stop the creepy spying and piss off back to the North Pole. You thought, “That’s it, I’ve done the elf, we can all get on with our lives.”
But, year after year, the kids beg, “Is Noel coming back this year, Mum? Is he?” Their faces are shining with more Christmas light than your neighbour’s roof (and your neighbour’s roof has been causing chaotic traffic jams in the street for years, merry bloody Christmas, Keith).
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You’re torn between never wanting to see Noel’s vacuous beaming face again, and the less-vacuous, but equally annoying at this moment in time, beaming faces of your children.
“Of course Noel’s coming back,” you hear yourself say heartily. And before you can slap a hand over your mouth, you hear yourself add, “And this year he’ll be cheekier and more mischievous than ever.”
Oh dear god, what have you done?
25 easy Elf on the Shelf ideas for mums who really can’t be bothered
I’m gonna make this as easy as possible for you. Just do the elf thing on the day it’s allocated, right after you brush your teeth so you remember.
Then just hope you don’t have a husband as hilarious as mine, who gets up in the middle of the night and moves the elf, so that in the morning you have a fleeting moment where you think, “Holy f&%k, did Noel move himself?”
You might like this too: A kindness calendar for Advent
1. He’s baaaaack: graffiti-ing the family pics from Simple as That
2. Elf yoga class from Picklehead Soup
3. Snow angels elf from Mandy with Multiples
4. Napping elf from Home Stories A to Z
5. Sharpie elf from A Worthy Read
76 Caught with the chocolate elf from I Heart Naptime
7. Zipline elf from Peanut Blossom
8. Raiding the cereal stash elf from Netmums
9. Typing a letter to Santa
10. Sack race elf from Pickled Soup
11. Card playing elf from Ashley Hackshaw
12. Elf leaving his mark from Ashley Hackshaw
13. Elf in the freezer from Ashley Hackshaw
14. Reading elf from She Knows
15. Guitar playing (or piano, or drums, or whatever you’ve got) elf from She Knows
16. ‘Be good’ note elf from She Knows
17. Googly eye elf from I Think We Could Be Friends
18. Framing the window elf from A Mommy’s Adventure
19. Loo wrapping elf from Over the Big Moon
20. Elf in a jar from Happy Busy Kids Mom
21. Sleepy elf under the Christmas tree from Happy Busy Kids Mom
22. Weight lifting elf from Dirty Diaper Laundry
23. Chore setting elf from Clumsy Crafter
24. Joy to the World on Christmas Eve elf from Happy Busy Kids Mom
25. Slow the kids down on Christmas morning elf from Living Locurto
And it’s over and out from the elf for another year… with a bit of luck, the very last year ever.
Do you (still) elf? Can you share some easyst Elf on the Shelf ideas?
Feature image by erin walker